I Should Have Known Better

My friend set me up on a blind date last night. My friend has a big, wonderful heart, but his thoughts just aren't running on all cylinders. He is one of my artsy friends. And I value him, but I am frequently frustrated when he misuses words, or makes statements such as "British actors just seem to be deeper, you know, more intelligent." (Except when they lose the accent for an "American" part, right?)


So, I should have known better when he tried to set me up on a blind date: "AH, I've got the perfect person for you! I just know you two are going to click. I'm sorry I'm pushing this so hard, but when I know two people that are just so...so perfect for each other, I just want to make it happen."

Date came over.

Scrabble board came out (I'm still poor).

Words my date tried to use on said board:

totel (total)
nosel (nozzle)
tech
diggin

and for the grande finale, three-fourths into the game, he tried to put three tiles at the top of the board, unconnected to any other word, and actually started to count up his points.

I was finally successful in wrapping up the game and politely sending him away, and immediately called my friend:

Me: "Why in the hell would you think that we would be perfect for each other??? That was painful!"

Friend: "Well, you both like jazz music a lot."

Me: "Really? That's it? That was this mysterious connection which destined us to be together forever and ever? He liked jazz???"

Okay, so I wasn't that rude to Friend...I mean, he tried to do a good thing. But the experience served to reinforce that with each friend I have, I emphasize one or two interests/characterstics, etc. I emphasize music with Friend, because he's no brain-child, but we do have similar musical tastes. And we have fun getting drunk together. So there, music and beer. I'm sure he saw his friend and thought, "Hey, HE likes music and beer! I gotta get these two kids together!!!"

totely.

Depression is Depressing.

I have somehow escaped its clutches again, but depression is really the Big Suck. It's so difficult to deal with because it does not arrive on the scene in one big grande entrance, rendering its condition plainly noticeable. It is not like stubbing your toe. Or suddenly coughing up blood or radioactive green phlegm. No, depression sneaks up gradually, and it slowly changes your baseline so that until you are thoroughly unable to sleep through the night or cry for hours on end, you don't even realize that something might be wrong. Further, I've had tangible reasons lately to account for my miserable mood...it's been quite difficult to disentangle sucky circumstances from sucky brain chemistry.

But then there are moments that shine a bright light onto the situation. For instance, I apparently have "ticklish seratonin levels." My doctor, in prescribing birth control to me, warned that I should not try to quit smoking, or change anything in my routines, so that if I did become depressed, we would know it was the birth control and not some other factor. After two months of taking said pill, I went off it for my week of feminine fun. The first day off, I realized how happy I suddenly was, and further, how miserable I had previously been. But it had happened so gradually that I was unaware of the side effect at all. Now, I knew that getting my period was not a source of newfound joy for me, so I went back to the doctor to get a different prescription.

I hadn't been eating well lately, and this last weekend, was positively catatonic. I wanted to call someone, but getting off of the couch to get my phone and then, ugh, having to punch in numbers and utter sounds seemed too overwhelming. I finally had to take my dog outside, and decided, while out, to pick up something protein-packed for dinner. Immediately, my mood elevated along with my blood sugar, and now I'm eating nuts like they're magic beans.

I wish there was something to be learned here, but the whole point is that until I somehow stumble onto a change which is responsible for my depression, I don't even realize I'm depressed. And that is why it is the Big Suck.

Perhaps I should change this blog's title back to "Conclusion Free Since 1978!".