there's no checkbox for this.
So, to update the three (?) people that read this thing, I am currently dating a wonderful person who makes me laugh and gets me all sorts of hot and bothered. And this person happens to be female.
Many people thought I was straight--I suppose for convenience purposes, I did, too--though I really didn't think having 7 male crushes qualified me as such. I'm also completely asexual much of the time, though there's rarely a box for that on marketing surveys. I'm not more into women now...I appreciate beauty wherever it crops up and always have, but I no more want to make out with every pretty flower I see than every pretty girl I cross. I am "mesexual." I don't think sexuality actually exists in discrete terms; I believe that for efficiency purposes, languages tend to divvy up the world into nice, finite, discrete boxes and you sort yourself as best you can. But most of reality is full of infinite shades of gray--and so is sexuality. I don't consider myself "bi" now--or even mostly straight with a slight bend. But trying to explain this to people--including the woman I'm dating--is a bit difficult. There are issues--I'm not a "real" lesbian; am I going to Anne Heche her in a couple of months? Does it matter that I can't predict my sexuality a year in advance? I can't commit to boys I like that I'll still be hot for their man-stuff in six months, why does it matter that I can't commit to be hot for general female stuff for that length of time? Do I have to "come out" to people? Hell, if they could tell me which closet, exactly, I've been in, I'd write them a thank you note.
My longest relationship was with a "mesexual" individual; he mostly sleeps with males, but he was very attracted to me and we enjoyed two wonderful years together in college. His current roommates assumed he was gay and upon a visit from me last year, were shocked to see us kissing one another. His boyfriend at the time--with whom he had an open relationship--was very uneasy with the new info; it didn't matter that my ex was making out with someone, but it did matter that it was with a female--as though THEIR relationship and physical intimacy were somehow called into question in light of my ex's non-strictly-gay preferences.
I'm not sure this unease people experience upon learning of mesexuality has to do with sex so much as identification and classification. Our relationships with one another depend heavily upon our ability to categorize one another; discrete labels are handy here; friends, friends with benefits, lovers, etc. And if you can't neatly define another's sexuality, this becomes a bit more difficult.
Perhaps I shall write more on this later, but right now, know that though others may be confused, I am happy and excited!
Many people thought I was straight--I suppose for convenience purposes, I did, too--though I really didn't think having 7 male crushes qualified me as such. I'm also completely asexual much of the time, though there's rarely a box for that on marketing surveys. I'm not more into women now...I appreciate beauty wherever it crops up and always have, but I no more want to make out with every pretty flower I see than every pretty girl I cross. I am "mesexual." I don't think sexuality actually exists in discrete terms; I believe that for efficiency purposes, languages tend to divvy up the world into nice, finite, discrete boxes and you sort yourself as best you can. But most of reality is full of infinite shades of gray--and so is sexuality. I don't consider myself "bi" now--or even mostly straight with a slight bend. But trying to explain this to people--including the woman I'm dating--is a bit difficult. There are issues--I'm not a "real" lesbian; am I going to Anne Heche her in a couple of months? Does it matter that I can't predict my sexuality a year in advance? I can't commit to boys I like that I'll still be hot for their man-stuff in six months, why does it matter that I can't commit to be hot for general female stuff for that length of time? Do I have to "come out" to people? Hell, if they could tell me which closet, exactly, I've been in, I'd write them a thank you note.
My longest relationship was with a "mesexual" individual; he mostly sleeps with males, but he was very attracted to me and we enjoyed two wonderful years together in college. His current roommates assumed he was gay and upon a visit from me last year, were shocked to see us kissing one another. His boyfriend at the time--with whom he had an open relationship--was very uneasy with the new info; it didn't matter that my ex was making out with someone, but it did matter that it was with a female--as though THEIR relationship and physical intimacy were somehow called into question in light of my ex's non-strictly-gay preferences.
I'm not sure this unease people experience upon learning of mesexuality has to do with sex so much as identification and classification. Our relationships with one another depend heavily upon our ability to categorize one another; discrete labels are handy here; friends, friends with benefits, lovers, etc. And if you can't neatly define another's sexuality, this becomes a bit more difficult.
Perhaps I shall write more on this later, but right now, know that though others may be confused, I am happy and excited!
Labels: Relationships
posted by slickaphonic at 8:58 PM
6 comments
