My apartment reminds me of the scene in that julia roberts movie--something about sleeping with the enemy--is that it? huh. moving on, where julia walks into her new house in iowa and all of the furniture is covered with sheets and there's dust everywhere. my shelter rescue cat had worms, so the laundering and draping began.

moving on again.

i've decided the thing that sucks about breaking up with someone is that you stop feeling special. there's this massive influx of "you're special and awesome" into your life when you start dating someone. this someone didn't get snatched up by previous someones. this someone likes you better than all the other someones he/she knows currently. you're the new shirt that comes home from the store and gets worn every night for a week.

then you get shoved to the back of the closet and some new shirt is going out every night of the week while you stare at the fat pants and that sweater from the weird aunt.

i hate knowing that when he's with a new someone in the future, i'll be a part of her calculus, the other someones that are no longer there. they might talk about my flaws, where i didn't measure up, how prone to measurement i was, how i liked him more than he liked me. i might end up in a funny story. maybe i'm baggage. a learning experience. a neighborhood character.

***

moving on one more time, it felt very strange to blog this evening. it's like i'm headed to a high school reunion that wasn't scheduled. i have no idea whatsoever if anyone reads this thing anymore. at least there's progress in the world.