hey, it's not all dark!

from mcsweeney's lists:

Brews
to Accessorize
the Modern Hipster.

BY KEVIN SCHEITRUM

- - - -

I Liked These Guys Before Anybody Else Knew About Them English Bitter

Boys Don't CrIPA

Oh Fuck My Rent Check Didn't Come in the Mail Bock

Fixed-Gear Bicycleweisse

Essentially Empty Yet Always Present Messenger Baggleywine

Almost Stout of the Closet

All My Friends Are White Ale

So What If I Messed Up Your Starbucks Order Porter

Rummage Sale Pale Ale

I Don't Really Like This but I'm Drinking It to Get Back at My Parents and/or Friends With an Overt and Crass Display of Being Cultured Lambic

I Am Entirely Fucking Done With Society Because It Is Run by Corrupt and Criminally Exploitative Man-Machines Who Don't Give One Shit for Anyone or Anything Except for Money and Power Light Lager

Sleeping Pillsner