My List
Ttractor wrote down her list of fears, rational or otherwise...my list was too long to post in her comments section, so here you are:
1. Everyone will find out that I have a great vocabulary but very little actual substance.
2. I will end up just as crazy and alone as my mother.
3. Deep down, I am just as religious as my father.
4. My longest relationship will continue to have been my first *real* relationship with my college boyfriend. Who is now gay.
5. I can't find happiness because I'm more comfortable being miserable.
6. All of my perceived personal growth is really just a sham constructed of cliches and wallpapered with to-do lists.
7. No matter how hard I exercise, I will always be the possessor of huge, muscular, man-like legs.
8. I really am big-boned.
9. No one would care if I died.
10. People would care that I died, but never took the time to tell me when I was alive.
11. Dying in the middle of sex so that my father would know with certainty that I am no longer a virgin.
12. Living a life never having loved another the way I know I could, never being loved the way I know I should.
13. Similar to ttractor and her thai delivery men, I pretend to talk to someone in my empty apartment while ordering so that the pizza delivery men do not think I am ordering a large pizza for only myself.
14. When I come home every day, I wake my dog up from his sleep immediately because I am afraid he is dead. He is just old and tired. So far.
15. I will miss the shuttle by one minute and have to wait for half an hour for the next one to come. I end up arriving 15 minutes early every day.
16. I am going to fail in academia.
17. I am going to succeed in academia.
18. I am going to stay in academia.
19. I am going to leave academia.
19. I will write a book which will be read by exactly four other academics who study the exact same thing.
20. My life's work won't help one other person.
21. My credit card and student loan debt will never be erased.
22. None of my friends actually like me; but rather, feel sorry for me.
23. People say horrible things about me when I am not around.
24. These horrible things are true.
25. It wasn't their fault it didn't work out, it was mine.
26. My relationship with my dog will be the longest and most stable relationship I ever have with another male who is not my father.
27. My laugh is annoying to others.
28. It really was my fault.
29. I look like a writhing white whale when I dance.
30. No one has ever had a secret crush on me.
31. I will never get to travel the world.
32. I won't live up to my potential.
33. I never really had any potential.
34. I am increasingly becoming a socially awkward hermit crab who will one day be the crazy cat lady. but with dogs.
35. nope. with cats.
36. My perfume/smokey smell bothers people just as much as their cologne/hairspray/nail polish/perfume bothers me.
37. I am one dentist's visit away from a complete set of dentures.
38. I will never exist in reality as I do in my fantasies.
39. I really do look like that (pointing at pictures of myself in my head).
40. The Mayans were right and the Apocalypse is coming when I am 32 years old.
41. That economics guy my friend talked to was right and we're headed for a major depression.
42. That homeless guy was right and there really are people bugging us, watching us, plotting.
43. Schizophrenics aren't crazy, they just see and hear better.
44. I am not as cool as my friends.
45. My friends know this.
46. I am condescending and mean.
47. There's a reason they didn't like me in high school.
48. No one will ever be completely honest with me.
49. If they were, I'd never trust them.
50. People think I'm much smarter than I am.
51. People think I"m much dumber than I am.
52. People don't think about me at all.
53. I don't really get it at all.
54. I will wake up one day and find that 300 spider babies have hatched and are coming to me for their first meal.
55. Moths do bite, and I will provide proof of this with my swollen limbs.
56. Insects take note when you kill one of their kin and come back for revenge.
57. I will pass out and die because I had to go see a scary movie drunk.
58. I will never stop editing and adding to this list.
1. Everyone will find out that I have a great vocabulary but very little actual substance.
2. I will end up just as crazy and alone as my mother.
3. Deep down, I am just as religious as my father.
4. My longest relationship will continue to have been my first *real* relationship with my college boyfriend. Who is now gay.
5. I can't find happiness because I'm more comfortable being miserable.
6. All of my perceived personal growth is really just a sham constructed of cliches and wallpapered with to-do lists.
7. No matter how hard I exercise, I will always be the possessor of huge, muscular, man-like legs.
8. I really am big-boned.
9. No one would care if I died.
10. People would care that I died, but never took the time to tell me when I was alive.
11. Dying in the middle of sex so that my father would know with certainty that I am no longer a virgin.
12. Living a life never having loved another the way I know I could, never being loved the way I know I should.
13. Similar to ttractor and her thai delivery men, I pretend to talk to someone in my empty apartment while ordering so that the pizza delivery men do not think I am ordering a large pizza for only myself.
14. When I come home every day, I wake my dog up from his sleep immediately because I am afraid he is dead. He is just old and tired. So far.
15. I will miss the shuttle by one minute and have to wait for half an hour for the next one to come. I end up arriving 15 minutes early every day.
16. I am going to fail in academia.
17. I am going to succeed in academia.
18. I am going to stay in academia.
19. I am going to leave academia.
19. I will write a book which will be read by exactly four other academics who study the exact same thing.
20. My life's work won't help one other person.
21. My credit card and student loan debt will never be erased.
22. None of my friends actually like me; but rather, feel sorry for me.
23. People say horrible things about me when I am not around.
24. These horrible things are true.
25. It wasn't their fault it didn't work out, it was mine.
26. My relationship with my dog will be the longest and most stable relationship I ever have with another male who is not my father.
27. My laugh is annoying to others.
28. It really was my fault.
29. I look like a writhing white whale when I dance.
30. No one has ever had a secret crush on me.
31. I will never get to travel the world.
32. I won't live up to my potential.
33. I never really had any potential.
34. I am increasingly becoming a socially awkward hermit crab who will one day be the crazy cat lady. but with dogs.
35. nope. with cats.
36. My perfume/smokey smell bothers people just as much as their cologne/hairspray/nail polish/perfume bothers me.
37. I am one dentist's visit away from a complete set of dentures.
38. I will never exist in reality as I do in my fantasies.
39. I really do look like that (pointing at pictures of myself in my head).
40. The Mayans were right and the Apocalypse is coming when I am 32 years old.
41. That economics guy my friend talked to was right and we're headed for a major depression.
42. That homeless guy was right and there really are people bugging us, watching us, plotting.
43. Schizophrenics aren't crazy, they just see and hear better.
44. I am not as cool as my friends.
45. My friends know this.
46. I am condescending and mean.
47. There's a reason they didn't like me in high school.
48. No one will ever be completely honest with me.
49. If they were, I'd never trust them.
50. People think I'm much smarter than I am.
51. People think I"m much dumber than I am.
52. People don't think about me at all.
53. I don't really get it at all.
54. I will wake up one day and find that 300 spider babies have hatched and are coming to me for their first meal.
55. Moths do bite, and I will provide proof of this with my swollen limbs.
56. Insects take note when you kill one of their kin and come back for revenge.
57. I will pass out and die because I had to go see a scary movie drunk.
58. I will never stop editing and adding to this list.
posted by slickaphonic at 6:06 PM
6 Comments:
oh my dear lexi.
of course, i laugh when reading these only because i only see my own fears reflected back.
but man, #8 really did crack me up!
yeah, huh!
pilates my ass.
exactly.
oh god, if i had never heard that stupid story about the spider laying eggs in some girl's arm and them hatching, i swear i would live a better life. damn i hate bugs.
#58 is my favorite. I was building my own list in my head during my commute today. It's a 15 minute commute. Amazing how many fears I could come up with in that short amount of time.
this is freaking awesome! I think about you.
Thanks, ladies. I must confess, this list has grown exponentially in my head...but i have to save something for 2008...
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