Snippets from the Train

I don't have the coherence to structure these snippets--or remember all of the very funny comments--overheard during my 60 hours on Amtrak this holiday, so take this as a smaller, less entertaining, one-time installement of Overheard in New York, but On the Train:

**Welcome to the Train**

Conductor: "...We will be training for the next 3 hours until our next stop in Santa Barbara."

9 year old kid: "We're training!!! We have to SIT DOWN!! Mom, what does training mean? We're training! Please, please please sit down, everyone!!!"

**And Where Were Barb and the Trumpets in Santa Barbara??**

Old woman: "Feels like we're going around another turn."

Her older husband: "We must be in Bend, Oregon."

Old woman: "No, dear. Just because we're going around a bend doesn't mean we're in Bend."

**Foiled Again**

Hick Drunk Dude: "Damn, I can't wait 'til the next smoke stop. Hey, let's go open the train window downstairs and smoke there."

Hick Friend: "Naw, man. I just saw them kick off a woman with one leg in that fucking freezing last stop because she was caught smoking."

Hick Drunk Dude: "Fuck. I've got both my legs."

**Sharing Means Caring**

Mother to her extremely irritating and loud 3-year old: "I'm sick of your whining. You need to stop!"

2 seconds pass

Mother to the Porter: "How many glasses of wine can one person buy at the cafe?"

**It's Funny 'Cause it's True**

Porter to the long line of people boarding: "Couples! I need couples first! Any couples?"

waits a few seconds, scanning the line for hands in the air...

Porter, incredulously: "You're all SINGLE??"

Me, audibly and blurtily: "It's a sad and lonely world."


**