Hall-ho-ween
Last night was linguist-rockstar Eric's and his wife Karen's annual Halloween bash. I had been told by several friends that the costume was not really optional...ugh. My first problem with Halloween is that I feel like I'm wearing a costume every day--some days I dress straight out of the 50's, with rolled up jeans and vintage shirts, some days I dress up like a hipster, and wear my big $3.00 sunglasses from the gas station, other days I'm meeting with the advisor so I pull out one of the three "nice" outfits I own--so I find it confusing to have a day set aside especially for costumes.
Second, I don't want to have to spend money on a costume. As I've blogged earlier, I frequently do not eat the last week of every month--or, I have "peanut butter and black beans" days. So I surely don't want to buy a witch's costume rather than half of another 'nice' outfit...or even a few loaves of bread. It just seems extraordinarily wasteful to me.
Third, and here's the money gripe, I'M TIRED OF SEEING 'SEXY NURSES' OR 'SEXY NUNS' OR 'SEXY TURTLES'!!! Seriously, why is everything so slutted up on Halloween? Are people repressing all of that inner sluttiness the other days of the year and just need a release? The Mrs. Clause suit just couldn't satisfy their exhibitionist needs, the turkey costume was too unweildy, and they never got to wear their Valentine's 'costume' in public...so Halloween became the holiday home of 'bringing sexy/slutty back'?
I rebelled last night. I was looking through all of my clothes, my art supplies and my hardware drawer, looking for possible costumes--and I happen to have a lot of librarian clothes. But I would be damned if I would be 'the Sexy Librarian.'
So, I washed my face clean of any makeup, then drew in a unibrow, used eyeshadow to give myself a little mustache, greased down my hair, put it into a straggly pony tail, clipped my bangs to my forehead, put on some black wool kneesocks with a blue shirt and wrapped my glasses frames in a bit of masking tape.
My costume? The UNSEXY LIBRARIAN. I think the people who didn't know me just thought I had poor taste and a nasty facial hair problem... And to my great relief, I don't think there was one 'sexy anything' there last night; sure, there were a few ladies with kitten ears and tails, but I saw nary a nipple and neither a cooch. A good Hall-ho-ween in my book.
Favorite other costume at the party? a boy came in wearing a cardboard, markered mask and a white t-shirt which said, "I too am a Moon Monster."
Second, I don't want to have to spend money on a costume. As I've blogged earlier, I frequently do not eat the last week of every month--or, I have "peanut butter and black beans" days. So I surely don't want to buy a witch's costume rather than half of another 'nice' outfit...or even a few loaves of bread. It just seems extraordinarily wasteful to me.
Third, and here's the money gripe, I'M TIRED OF SEEING 'SEXY NURSES' OR 'SEXY NUNS' OR 'SEXY TURTLES'!!! Seriously, why is everything so slutted up on Halloween? Are people repressing all of that inner sluttiness the other days of the year and just need a release? The Mrs. Clause suit just couldn't satisfy their exhibitionist needs, the turkey costume was too unweildy, and they never got to wear their Valentine's 'costume' in public...so Halloween became the holiday home of 'bringing sexy/slutty back'?
I rebelled last night. I was looking through all of my clothes, my art supplies and my hardware drawer, looking for possible costumes--and I happen to have a lot of librarian clothes. But I would be damned if I would be 'the Sexy Librarian.'
So, I washed my face clean of any makeup, then drew in a unibrow, used eyeshadow to give myself a little mustache, greased down my hair, put it into a straggly pony tail, clipped my bangs to my forehead, put on some black wool kneesocks with a blue shirt and wrapped my glasses frames in a bit of masking tape.
My costume? The UNSEXY LIBRARIAN. I think the people who didn't know me just thought I had poor taste and a nasty facial hair problem... And to my great relief, I don't think there was one 'sexy anything' there last night; sure, there were a few ladies with kitten ears and tails, but I saw nary a nipple and neither a cooch. A good Hall-ho-ween in my book.
Favorite other costume at the party? a boy came in wearing a cardboard, markered mask and a white t-shirt which said, "I too am a Moon Monster."
Labels: Ranting
posted by slickaphonic at 6:17 PM
2 Comments:
we are twinned and parallel! I am trying to get hydrated enough to get my version of this down, but yeah, totally, I am so sick of Hooker-ween.
the 'sexy this-and-that' costumes just show an utter lack of imagination...and i'm tired of being assaulted every late october by this crap.
why don't they just form a new holiday for those who want to dress like sluts? and let them all congregate in some place like kansas? eh?
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