80's Movies Rocked.

I saw Galaxy High on t.v. yesterday and it succeeded in providing every eighties' teen movie cliche. There was the sexy high school teacher, who sometimes wore a suit jacket and jeans, and then miraculously changed into the "bad boy", replete with black leather jacket and single dangling earring at night. They had a brawl between the rich kids in Beverly Hills and the poor drop-outs of East L.A. (the students of "Galaxy High"--a school whose classroom was a travelling bus with graffiti).

But to my complete amazement, there were at least three dance montages, two of which had completely spontaneous and perfectly choreographed/synchronized dances--the last of which took place in the rain outside of the rich school at the end of the movie ('cause at the end, the rich kids and the po' kids become pals and all, so they celebrated their new friendship with some dancin' in the rain).

[Okay, to be fair, I googled Galaxy High--and the movie I saw was actually Lambada--I came into the movie about half an hour late, and would never, in a million years, have guessed this movie had something to do with the lambada (though I remember wondering why they had played that awful song twice for two of the dance scenes...). Same plot, though. Same strange insertion of craptastic dancing. I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved...)

It was fascinating. It wasn't a FAME!-like movie, or some kind of musical, but the dancing, if viewed in isolation from the rest of the movie, would surely shout "MUSICAL!!!"... totally different from say, Breakfast Club (in which the characters just bust a move to some music--Ally Sheedy's interpretation of the music quite dissimilar to Molly or Emilio's...) or Footloose (in which you expect dancing--I mean, c'mon). It was some weird hybrid, which was simultaneously cringe-worthy and completely satisfying.

This reminded me of another 80's movie I heart: The Warriors. Technically, a gem brought to us by 1979, but who can tell the difference?
Back to the film. So, the movie was actually based on Anabasis, a Greek war in which the Spartans and the Persian emperor Cyrus attempted to overtake present-day Turkey. Both the Persian army and the Spartan leaders were captured, and the remaining army had to travel through hostile territory and various groups of meanies back to Homebase, as it were.

So, The Warriors takes this tale and contextualizes it in the future (based on the costumes, haircuts and phrasing, the future seems to be a couple months ahead of the release date--sidenote: Star Wars was also supposed to take place in a Galaxy Far Far Away--Did the feathered haircut really see that much universal action??). Instead of Spartans and hostile tribes , there are a host of different gangs, all of which are thematically organized. All of the members have chosen an outfit and, much like boy-bands, attempt to coordinate the hell out of them.

The Warriors, a gang which has decided on brown leather vests and sperm-killing tight jeans, are framed for the death of Cyrus, the uber-gang leader who was calling for a truce and the formation of a Super-gang. This pisses off the Grammery Riffs (Cyrus's homies) and urged by the call of some vindictive radio deejay, all the gangs try to take the Warriors out along their way to the big gang-meet-and-greet where they will be able to clear their names.



My favorite gang was the baseball-themed gang, The Baseball Furies. They carried baseball bats, and all wore baseball uniforms...to add that scary in, they wore purple lipstick. Because Knee-high socks and polyester and boys wearing lipstick would instill fear in every person I know.



However, a gang in the running for most bizarre-choice-given-that-you're-supposed-to-be -scary award was The Orphans. It's a bit sentimental for a bunch of "tough guys", no? And really, when they don't get the invite to the big gang-fest, can they wonder why?

Well, okay, let's make it a three-way tie. The Punks all wear overalls and roller-skates. Because when you're on roller-skates in overalls, you just, um, scream Tough Guy. Maybe it's just me, but aren't you a little vulnerable on rollerskates? And the blisters! Oh, my.



But what about the Hi-Hats? Okay, they're sneaking up for a surprise win. They all wear red shirts, black pants, suspenders, and top hats. they look like mimes. But wait, they're scary mimes. I forget what their weapon was--maybe they pantomime shooting you. ("Grab his hands! Don't let him escape into his pretend box!!!")