I Am Not Invisible
though I must continually remind myself of this now that I have my ipod. No, my ipod has not made me crazy...almost deliriously happy, but not quite. However, now that I am listening to music on my shuttle rides, on my walks through campus and my neighborhood, and yes, even on my bikerides to the store, I have caught myself behaving as though I were invisible. I stare. Openly. Not because I've thrown in the towel on civility or humanity, but because I really feel nobody can see me. I dance in my seat on the shuttle with abandon. I let my face contort to match my interior dialogue quite freely. It's as though I think my headphones are an invisibility helmet. A wonderful, musical invisibility helmet...
Of course, there's a flaw here. I realize it once in a while--for example, when someone deigns to make eye contact with me after one of my prolonged inspections. Oh, yeah. Just because they can't hear my music doesn't mean they can't see me. Consternation. Embarrassment. Vulnerability. Oh, but then Cesaria Evora sings a heartbreaking note, and I'm invisible again.
When I'm listening to music, the outside world goes on dimmer. It's more easily digestable. I can appreciate the beauty of San Diego--it's not so loud now (aurally or visually). And I guess I just subconsciously assume that I've been dimmed to the outside world--a thought I love to entertain at length. I feel as though I'm floating through the world unobserved, untouched. And it is lovely.
Of course, there's a flaw here. I realize it once in a while--for example, when someone deigns to make eye contact with me after one of my prolonged inspections. Oh, yeah. Just because they can't hear my music doesn't mean they can't see me. Consternation. Embarrassment. Vulnerability. Oh, but then Cesaria Evora sings a heartbreaking note, and I'm invisible again.
When I'm listening to music, the outside world goes on dimmer. It's more easily digestable. I can appreciate the beauty of San Diego--it's not so loud now (aurally or visually). And I guess I just subconsciously assume that I've been dimmed to the outside world--a thought I love to entertain at length. I feel as though I'm floating through the world unobserved, untouched. And it is lovely.
posted by slickaphonic at 9:38 PM
4 Comments:
This is so timely....I have been thinking about my own profound invisibility a lot lately...and I had been thinking about getting an ipod too. Maybe not now. I am not finding bliss in sliding through the world unmoored and unnoticed, although I can see how it would be a relief at times.
Ah, but ttractor, do you have a hearing problem when you wear sunglasses? I think this "problem"/gift may be particular to me...
The ipod has made my life worth living again. To have a soundtrack flowing at all times? It's like living in a good--i.e., not sucky--musical.
I could gush for a few months about this, but the point will remain the same. $250 can now buy bliss for everyone who has any affinity for music.
mmmm, I know my aural comprehension goes down without its attendant visual stimuli...I have a harder time understanding people sometimes when talking on the phone and not watching their face, I have to listen to messages on my answering machine several times to take down numbers...
Yes, I rely upon "context clues" to understand what people are saying, too. But sunglasses, when you think about it, really shouldn't be interfering with that--now a pair of glasses with a way-wrong prescription, okay. But my wiring is clearly screwed up. the mere fact that i'm arguing to prove that my wiring is screwed up should be evidence enough...
Post a Comment
<< Home